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Disruption in time

 

Recently, the missus and I were preparing to go out. Earlier we had discussed this going out, but somehow, from the time of our discussion, my preparing to go out, and my concept of us actually departing to go out, there was a break in the time continuum.¬...

So, as I was waiting for the missus, I found myself musing, which usually leads me¬...to getting in trouble, which usually leads me to writing something.

Honestly, my waiting isn’t all that long. Suffice it to say I think enough time has passed for a complete oil change, lube, transmission flush, and installation of a new set of tires. ¬...

I found myself bewildered, perplexed, and befuddled, and the disruption felt in the Force left me -- oh, shall we say -- “gently perturbed.” This caused my mind to consider the following:

“Here at La Grimm Ranchero’s School of Perpetual Learning Patience Center, we’ve started a new class in educational awareness dealing with: marital conflict negotiation and punctual departure/arrival timing, as well as that ever-popular, back-by-demand tension-taming ‘I don’t care’ dining experience.

“Each personal lesson is structured for maximum learning potential. Our unique trial and error method ensures that you will experience a true life environment. This training is a must for couples who are considering marriage, newlyweds, and the ‘how-did-you-even-make-it-to-your-own-wedding-on-time?’ married. ¬...

“You will learn to properly interpret phrases, such as, ‘Just give me five more minutes to be ready’ and ‘It’s OK.’ Further, you’ll be able to instantly sense the moods behind a glaring stare unaccompanied by words and other cues.

“You’ll learn to reflexively evade objects thrown because of your sarcastically toned responses. You’ll also be able to eat cold toast and like it. ¬...And as a bonus feature, our training will include furniture-selection tips for those long nights on or behind the couch.

“So, enroll now at La Grimm Ranchero’s School of Perpetual Learning Patience Center.”¬...

(The missus emerges, as if on cue, prettier than a new set of tires on my pickup.)

Warning: These musings may be serious or may be humorous. Enjoy! H.R. Grimm is a self-described lovable, prone to blunt, witty, tending toward sarcastic, saved-by-grace, constantly thinking storyteller. Grimm, a military veteran, and his wife now call La Vernia home. Email reader@lavernianews.com.

 
 
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