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Making my beloved ‘country girl at heart’ happy


Men, it’s almost Christmas, and if you’re like me, you want to live in peace and harmony. We want to continue that male delusion that our home is our castle.

We want to eat free from any undercurrent sense of impending doom and live without fear of reprisal. So, to ensure that you get to live like you want, get your Beloved that special gift.

Let me re-emphasize: Men, get your Beloved that special gift! For all that is decent, healthy, peaceful, and safe, figure out whatever it is that she wants, and get it now! (You’ll thank me later.)

Here at La Grimm Ranchero, the missus and I live like two perfectly meshed gears. Our ability to feed off each other reveals honed skills that are not easily developed. To reach our level of effective interaction, one must constantly be practicing.

No doubt, ours is not the only home of such interaction, but I am constantly amazed at her unique foresight, power, and talent in knowing what is best for me.

Don’t misunderstand me: She doesn’t say it that way, but those little hints she drops remind me that it’s in my best interests not to disagree with her....

Just the other day I had a thought. I felt nervous and uneasy, so I shared this phenomenon with her. I can vaguely recall now that I began to tell her my plans. Before I realized what was happening, the missus, in her stealth and mind-control manner, had me changing my plans and agreeing with her plans for me that day. As I recall, she waved her hand or was reaching for something (it’s a blur now), and just like that, I was doing what she wanted. I’m telling you it was something right outta “Star Wars”! ...

Two years ago I restored a 1952 Ford 8N tractor. As far back as I can recall, she has never alluded to any desire or inkling that she would like to drive it. She refuses to buy or wear a cowgirl hat or boots and refuses to listen to any country music except Toby Keith’s (forgive us, Willie Nelson). She bristles at the task of even driving my pickup. So, imagine my surprise when, on this particular day, she had me somehow letting her drive my restored tractor. ...

Recently, she has increasingly and repeatedly been stating that I need to build -- and I’m quoting her here -- “a big workshop.” I know she is hinting at something that she wants for Christmas. I cannot for the life of me figure out exactly what. But you can trust me here, until I figure out exactly what she wants, I am working on the plans for that “big workshop” to be built.

You know, I gotta make her happy, even if it’s all just for her.

Warning: These musings may be serious or may be humorous. Enjoy! H.R. Grimm is a self-described lovable, prone to blunt, witty, tending toward sarcastic, saved-by-grace, constantly thinking storyteller. Grimm, a military veteran, and his wife now call La Vernia home. Email

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