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‘Cookies Galore!’


(Somebody get me an illustrator for a children’s book!)

’Twas the morning before the night before Christmas this year.

And all through the home our waists are expanding, and so is our rear.

Only I am awake, as the missus still sleeps.......

She exhausted herself in a baking frenzy and now there’s cookies everywhere I peek.

The cats, like the missus, are all comfy as they sleep in their bed.

If the missus catches me nibbling, I’ll surely be dead.

“Those cookies are for Christmas and the grandchildren’s joy!” she shouted last night. “And what’s more,

If I find you’ve even nibbled them, you’ll be out cold on the floor!”

But I needed to taste them to make sure they’re all right.......

It could be she missed something in the evening’s dimming light.

So I open the cupboards, the pantry, the drawer,

All to see cookies -- cookies galore!

There’s sugary ones plain as can be.

There’s some with colorful sprinkles that cry, “Try me! Try me!”

Some are shaped differently, cut with precise care.

Some cookies are “no bake,” and I wonder why they’re here.

Oh, she wrapped peppermint patties in a chocolate-type dough and baked them with sprinkles to fatten my core.

She made fudge with walnuts and peanut butter fudge.

“Oh, I can taste just a few,” I told myself as I gave the covering a nudge.

Then, all of a sudden, a rattling I heard.......

It sounded like a fluttering; it was as swift as a bird.

A dreadful fear washed over me as I stood perfectly still.

And what would arrive but Her Highness so near.

Her eyes were quite big as they seemed to glow red.......

The missus stood, seething; she was no longer in bed!......

Her nostrils oddly flexed as with each breath they did flare.......

She gave a twist of her head, like that actress Linda Blair.

That blood vessel in her forehead pulsated with ease.......

I felt myself weaken right down to my knees.

She raised her right hand as I feared she would strike.

I glanced to see if she held rolling pin or knife.

And as quick as a blur, I hit the floor hard.

I fell with a thud like a can of cold lard.......

I felt myself sickened as if filled with complete dread.

Then I realized ’twas just a dream.......I’d fallen out of bed.

I dashed to the kitchen to check the cookies supply....

I must know that they’re safe....I at least gotta try.

...... As I open the cupboard, my eyes light up to see,

As I hear a small cookie cry, “Try me! Try me!”

I held my breath and whispered once more,......

“Oh, she’ll never notice, as there’s cookies galore!”

By Grandfather Grimm, aka H.R. Grimm, 2017

Warning: These musings may be serious or may be humorous. Enjoy! H.R. Grimm is a self-described lovable, prone to blunt, witty, tending toward sarcastic, saved-by-grace, constantly thinking storyteller. Grimm, a military veteran, and his wife now call La Vernia home. Email

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