Contemplating after celebrating


Here at La Grimm Ranchero School of Expansion, we are enjoying this second week of the new year. The post-Christmas/new year’s seasonal visits and celebrations are but memories, and with them have come memories galore.

As I sit here reminiscing, I can easily recall all eight grandchildren who graced our home. Their absence now is loud with the silence, and a sense of melancholy tries to settle. It lifts easily, as I know they’ve each returned safely to their homes. ...

All of this has filled me with recalling the calories consumed throughout the season with the enthusiasm of an IRS year-end audit. As I recall, there were gallons of consumed eggnog, mountainous piles of cookies and stacked jagged-edged bluffs of fudge, pies placed strategically on the breakfast table, cases of juice drinks, flowing liters of soda, innumerable cups of coffee, two smoked briskets, a ham, a couple of flats of eggs, at least a whole hog’s worth of bacon, loaves of bread, bagels, leaning towers of pancakes, and waffles.

Now comes the full accounting and the need to address the obvious expansion. I struggle to not get winded merely tying my shoes, and the missus seems content allowing me to, as her self-imposed responsibility was to bake and to remind me that limiting my intake is my own responsibility.

So, as we enter this 2018, we both have expectations for this new year. ...I plan on regaining my pre-Thanksgiving weight, and the missus has an eye toward cleaning and ridding the house of worn-out, useless items or replacing them. There is an odd look in her eye as she glances in my direction, but I’m sure it’s just unfounded paranoia from too many cookies. Nevertheless, I cannot read her mind.

Periodically, every other year or so, she gets in a cleaning mood, and it’s about due. I, too, have noticed a few things that need replacing. For one, our clothes dryer is in need of repair, as it is shrinking my clothes at a horribly alarming rate. ...Another thing I’ve noticed is that the bathroom scale spring has obviously weakened, as the needle spins so fast that a slight breeze can be felt as a mournful squeak emanates. Something else odd is that my belts have shrunk. Totally unexplainable....

As we all go further into 2018, I’m sure we all will discover new ways to expand our understanding of things, new insights, and new ways to deal with old issues. Why, just today I found out why the missus can say so confidently, “Well, my jeans are loose on me,” as she had bought new blue jeans two sizes too big before Thanksgiving!

Yep, it’s gonna be an interesting new year. Stay tuned.

Warning: These musings may be serious or may be humorous. Enjoy! H.R. Grimm is a self-described lovable, prone to blunt, witty, tending toward sarcastic, saved-by-grace, constantly thinking storyteller. Grimm, a military veteran, and his wife now call La Vernia home. Email